I am confused

"Wait!" - "Frannie's note says that Luka, Renee , Jeffery and RayMan ran into HER! They didn't find Frannie, did they?"

Sometimes I feel so stupid that I still have hope.

Julianne spoke.

"Peter, you know you have always wondered about my name. It is Julianne Phillips. I used to be married to a rock and roll guy named Bruce Springsteen. You, despite your questions, have always known that, right?"

I nodded.

"So you know they did not run into Frannie G. right?"

I nodded again, feeling foolish that I had doubted my friends, even for a moment.

"Then you know that who they ran into was....."Julianne tok a deep breathe, "Mrs. - - -



"Yes," I shouted, "yes yes I know who they ran into, and you know she does not kill anyone mercifully - I just couldn't think about it, I just can't - - "

"Peter, don't worry - we are not going to get out of this alive, but that son-of-a-nother is not going to be the one. Okay?"

Juli took a deep breath.

"And to think when I was young, I thought things could not get any worse," she sighed.

And she had been hurt harder than either Jordan or myself had.

We quietly started packing.

The waiting is over

Luka, RayMan, Jeffery and Renee never came back. It has been three months and two days, and not a word. Jordan, Julianne and I are just staring at each other, each day filled with hope. I clean the cabin with an obsession that no diagnosis can claim, Julianne watches every news channel she can find, and Jordan writes in his notebook. Writes and writes and writes.

At night we curl up on the little futon bed, synchronizing our breathing.

On August 17th, I flipped out, screaming, sad, furious.

"I want to go back" I was half laughing, half crying. "I know I hated it, but it was familiar, even if it was eroding any sense of what I was, who I am, whatever. I want to go back!'

"Peter" Jordan said in that calm voice that was sometimes so infuriating that I wondered how many Oxy he had stolen from the WME before we had left.

That was mean. Jordan has always been calm.

"I have a note from Frannie G., before she left," he said, holding out a tired scrap of paper.

"You talked to Frannie!" I yelled, "You talked to Frannie and did not tell me!"

"You still had hope, I did not want you to lose it."

He held it out.

It read,

"Beware the woman who cannot tie her own shoelaces, cannot find water as she stands in front of the river, has only tissues in her pockets. Beware."

"They ran into her", Jordan's eyes, Julianne turning away from the news, nodding slowly.

"Then we have to pack up and leave, right?"

"Yes." They spoke in tandem, and reluctantly I reached for my black pen.