SEPTUAGENARIAN GONE WILD!

We are in shock, all of us. Psychiatrist Jack Barchas has spilled the beans to the media about what the WME did to Tom Cruise. The WME is in a total uproar today. You should have seen the white coats running, yelling at each other, bursting into our area and jerking file cabinets open, grabbing discs, no order or protocol at all. A few of them even popped into the lunchroom and snatched some pills from our bowls! God, it's not like they don't have absolutely every drug on earth right at their fingertips. Snagging coffee and pharmaceuticals from the lowly grunts is just, well, low. But, we don't care, this is actually a great day for us - any paranoia that we were under suspicion has relaxed during this crisis - we have gone back to being nameless, faceless drones incapable of doing any damage to the WME by escaping and spilling office secrets - Go Barchas!

It's so frenzied here Jordan said that he and Sam saw Dr. Eaudiamonia come barging down the hallway, glasses all askew, yelling for people to get into the crisis room STAT! None of us have ever seen Eudaimonia except on the news or in the paper or the lifesize oil painting of him that hangs in the main lobby. We were starting to think that perhaps he was not on the premises at all, that he had his own little RV parked near the White House residence or down in Crawford somewhere. What a shock to actually see the guy, and see him so agitated. It's just been great. This is going to keep the spotlight off of us for quite some time. We will be able to get a lot of information smuggled out of here AND have time left over to continue planning our escape. I'ts like being granted an extra 24 hours in a day.

And for the record? Barchas is telling the whole truth - everything he said is true, except for the numerical figure. The WME offered Tom Cruise 175 million to go off of his meds, and have only paid him twenty five. Whenever Cruise shows up here demanding to be paid, he is warmly shown into the WME's Celebrity Lounge, and given a nice homemade beverage heavily laced with chloral hydrate. He rants and raves for about fifteen minutes, then falls asleep, where one of us senior interns has to stuff him into our backseats and drive him home. We are given a key to his house, security code, the whole banana. It usually keeps him away for a few months, as they give him quite a hefty dose ( either in hot chocolate or a pina colada, depending on the season) and he generally has no memory of showing up with his panties in a twist, having a tantrum about money. By the time he remembers that the WME still owes him 150 million dollars, he is off in the middle of a movie or twirling some new gal off the top of the Empire State Building, whatever. After that he shows up again and they drug him again and we haul him home and dump him on the couch again, it's just routine over here. They are never going to pay him another dime, and he is too nuts to figure it out. Poor guy. Oh well. You deal with the WME voluntarily, you are making a deal with the devil.
However, if you are like one of us, and wind up working here without knowing exactly what you have gotten yourself into, by the time you find out, it's over. They own you.

But the seven of us are going to change all that, it's just a matter of time and a little luck.

By the way, back to the Lunesta issue - listen carefully to the commercial and how many times they contradict themselves. Just stop watching the happy sleeping people and the butterfly and listen to the words. It's all there for you to hear, but nobody seems to hear it. You HAVE to start paying attention and stop being distracted by the pretty images and happy music. That is what the WME counts on and how they get away with legally drugging people. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. People, pay attention! Wake up! Help us help you!

Be careful out there, fellow Americans. The shit is starting to hit the fan.